Midnight..

 Hey..

Have u ever felt like u're not welcome in such place, not cuz others refused ur staying with them and being toward them, but cuz u'll just sit far of them, cuz they told u to? Cuz u think they don't like u? Maybe they are bored from u, or just they don't feel comfortable toward u?

Dear, let me tell u U'RE WRONG..

We try our best to not lie and disappoint other people in front of us, and make them proud and happy, we may even sacrifice our lives for them, for some humans we don't even know, we've never met, we don't know if they're real or fake people, good or bad ones, and after all, we do it, we'll do everything, actually everything, to not make them feel uncomfortable or smth

Wt abt us? Are not we humans too? Don't we deaerve the same things they do? Our lives are ours, we deserve to be in a good health as u do, we deserve to be safe from all the bad things in this earth as u do so, we're all the same, not actually, maybe we're equal but not when it comes to our hearts, my pure heart and ur hypocritical heart

So i started thinking, do we realy helping others to please them or just to please ourselves? 

I used to think that I've tk please ppl around me, and this is was a few years ago, before i know the humans nature and that's nothing is pure, that I can't change the world to the best, nor bad humans, it's turning now to look for the good ppl while i was looking for the bad ones, how it's an unfair world

After all this, i just found we're all the same, we all selfish, we all want the best for ourselves so helping people was to please ourselves and not regret cuz we know, we know humans, they'll judge us, we all afraid of judging right? We used when we were kids our parend told us to not do or act as a special way cuz ppl will talk, ppl in ur age don't do this, they don't eat by this way, they study hard, I'm pretty sure we all heard this so it turned to be like a impediment

And as uk -maybe u don't- but if think abt it, it's just a simple thing, we can't take off the bad attitude easily as we do with the right ones, right? Not like we can't take it off never, this is the poor thinking, we can but it's not that easy, it's not hard too, nothing is hard btw

Coming back to the first paragraph;

Me, I'm someone who's an introverted, but these years seems like not that much as i used to but i still, i feel comfy when I'm alone and turning into another person w ppl who i rly luv and appreciate 

So going to a party or a family dinner is not that nice idea to me but I've to, idk why but i just have to, still wasting of time, just sitting there saying nothing while everyone is discussing, someone is talking abt his friend and other trying to convince ppl there abt his pov and other making fun of someone there, I'm just listening cuz I'm not interested neither ppl nor the topics, so just sitting to not be judge

(Being honest I've that goal to stay far of problems the much that i can soo..)

Suddenly someone call me and being like why u so quiet, idk wt to say, should i tell them I'm not interested or smth? So i just keep smiling and smiling..

I'm not refused and it's not like I'm not welcome there but ik, this fact won't change, ik if I'll talk it will be there misunderstanding, in every time i talk, since when i was a kid, ppl misunderstand me, every time! So i choosd to not talk

Just seems like I'm tired from explaining things, ppl won't understand, in another way if they will, they'll just make fun of me as they used to, when it happens i just stand up and change my place tbh, let them think I'm rude

I didn't choose to be an introverted and i was trying so badly my whole life to not 

be but after living more w ppl i was happy, the most happy and lucky gurl in this earth, thankful that I'm an introvert, so insane feeling

Even though, not the best thing to be like, but it's better to save myself, to not get hurt..

And you? What do you think about this case?